July 2016 Newsletter

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A Seed Was Planted

Imitation of role models is natural. Denise followed the example provided to her as an impressionable adolescent, bad seed that it was. Drugs and alcohol, she said, “I had seen my whole life; it was the family god. Once I tried it, I loved it. It made me feel good, laugh, because that didn’t happen a lot. It was an individual thing, not social. I had a lack of relationship with my parents.”

The mold had been set. There would be no high school graduation. Denise said “I was having fun. Everybody in my family was into drugs and alcohol, that is the way I thought it was going to be. I knew other people were not in the drug culture; I didn’t care what they were doing. I worked the whole time; I was a functional alcoholic. I wanted to be a better alcoholic, to keep drinking and using, and live a normal life, and not get beat up and have friends. It was not possible, because I was a hot mess, because I couldn’t keep my family. People stopped trusting me. I couldn’t work or care for myself.” That was her summation of thirty years of reaping the lifestyle that had been sown. Choices had to be made along the way, even responsibility for actions, but the bondage of addiction is very powerful.

Denise said, “There were a lot of failed relationships including friends and family. All of my relationships (with men) have ended up verbally and physically abusive. My marriage lasted one year before I got beat up. I raised my first daughter, but gave up the second for adoption.” Years and friendships followed, until the last one. She said, “I met a man four years ago. If I had been sober, I never would have dated him. The thing we had in common was alcohol. It lasted a month before verbal abuse, six months for physical abuse. I stayed with him because I loved him. Nothing was clear. It was stupid, no excuse, immaturity, insane behavior. My  first black eye from him brought me to Samaritan Inn in 2011.” She stayed here for several months, then moved out to live alone, but the relationship continued. She just drank more and used readily available prescription pain pills. In November of 2014, she returned to Samaritan Inn, after being beaten up again.

This time things were different, yet the struggle remained. Later she admitted, “I was still drinking. He was still calling and coming around. I was still going out with him, but at Samaritan Inn there was a curfew and safety involved. I stopped seeing him, because I was growing, and he was still doing awful things.” She realized that her bad behavior was jeopardizing her ability to stay here. She joined our New Life Program. Denise said, “When I was here four years ago, a seed was planted about God, and I just needed so badly, I just wanted to explore what that was. I was ready. Samaritan Inn saved my life, gave me purpose; it made me not want to die anymore. I started to love Linda (our manager), not hate her. I have learned how to have relationships, how to work without being drunk or high. I learned how to forgive, including myself. I have my relationship with God I never had before. He is my provider, answers my questions, corrects me, my calmer.” In describing the difference now, she said, “You can never consume enough alcohol, ever. God filled a void that has been in my heart, a hole.”

After being in our program for a year, Denise got her old job back. She is now renting a small house by herself. She said, I come back here all the time, because I need these women. Whether I’ve had a good day or bad, I come here to share it with them. I love them. I have friendships. They hold me accountable.” When Denise acknowledged the conviction of the Lord on her life, a new seed was indeed planted. She is now reaping a new harvest.