May 2013 Newsletter

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Restraining The Cycle of Abuse

Maggie grew up in a culture of abuse, a corrupted community of self-indulgence. Her late mother was consumed by the lifestyle and immersed Maggie in it at birth. She grew up in a world of chaos, rebellion, unbridled permissiveness. There was no structure, no discipline, no genuine love, no school after fourth grade, no father, no hope. There was alcohol and drugs. She experienced verbal, physical and sexual abuse. Maggie had inherited a tradition of suppression. At 16, she ran away from the confusion, only to live her own version of the only behavior she had ever known. She had no foundation, point of reference, direction or future. Then Maggie became a mother too. Konner, now age 5, was growing up in the same abusive condition that had shattered his mother’s childhood innocence and nurturing, and the generational cycle was robbing him of the same.

Intervention was needed. It began with her son being taken by child services for child endangerment and neglect. She went to an inpatient addiction treatment program, but relapsed. Maggie was deemed to be too mentally unstable to parent her child. Konner was going to be considered for adoption.

Intercession was necessary to reunite mother and son. Maggie needed a safe, loving home to learn how to live a healthy life. For Konner, there is no substitute for the love of a five-year-old’s mommy. She went to the Roseburg Rescue Mission’s Samaritan Inn for homeless women and children. Visitations began within a month of arriving here. After two more months, she had physical custody of her son, on the condition that they stay at Samaritan Inn. Child services continued to do random home visits here to hold her accountable to the progress she had made. Maggie said, “At first, I was really discouraged. They pretty much told me that I had burnt the bridge to getting my son back. My worker didn’t think I was going to make it.”

Samaritan Inn provided the environment that changes lives and offers hope to the homeless. This would be Maggie’s home, a place for her to prepare for the return of her son. She had given birth, but she needed to learn to be a parent. She had lived to be 27 years old, but she needed to know maturity and responsibility. She said, “Structured living helped me here. I do better having a time schedule. I learned to get up at the right time, take the city bus, go to day care, get to my classes, have mealtimes and do chores like dishes and sweeping. When Konner would act out, I learned parenting skills. I learned goal setting, following through with appointments, having a schedule for the week and making a list of things to accomplish. I made friends here and set boundaries with myself to stay home. I have never felt so welcome anywhere else.”

It is a well accepted truth in recovery circles that an individual cannot pull himself or herself out of addiction on their own. A higher power is needed. At the Mission, we hold the same to be true, except that we know there is Only One Higher Power. Maggie’s faith in the Lord had never been well rooted in Scripture, teaching or example. She said, “I have the Lord in my life here. Chapel and devotions helped me to know the Bible more. I can find my way around in the Bible. Prayer time has taught my son how to pray; he says ‘Amen’ at the end.”

The generational cycle is shifting from degrading to uplifting, from worldly to godly. Maggie concluded by saying, “As long as I reach out and have a home group and a church, I will continue to reach my goals.”

High unemployment in Douglas County has put increased burdens on families. Domestic violence toward both women and children is a major contributor to them seeking a safe place in our homeless shelter. We are very much aware of the significant long-term economic and social impact of reducing the incidence of child abuse and neglect. Abused children become parents and learned behavior can perpetuate through generations. We are a stakeholder in restraining the cycle of child abuse, domestic violence and homelessness. Samaritan Inn is an essential element in the continuum of care for this most precious at risk group. We work closely with other service organizations, both public and private, as part of a network of care, providing assistance as well as connecting families to other resources in the community. When a tragic event happens in a home and the need to flee exists, Samaritan Inn is available 24/7 to provide a safe place for women and children. Staying in an abusive situation is not good for mother or child. They need a safe, loving, nurturing, equipping, empowering place to go. Samaritan Inn has been a part of the Roseburg Rescue Mission, as a beacon of hope, for the past 28 years.